The Unknowable Miraculousness of Profound Prayers
Until I had a (The) Peak Experience(s), I considered Prayer a sort-of benign placebo, a practice of pleading sentimentality, and a hedge – a sort-of "just in case"...
… and desperate call into a dark, indifferent void - and not really expecting an understandable response – from a seemingly indifferent G-O-D / Universe.
I have long studied what some would consider rather abstract in nature. What are considered intangible or even fanciful notions / conceptualizations. Of what my Great Teachers have cautioned me; a myriad of possible idealizations and the subsequent psycho-Spiritual ramifications. Delusions. Magical Thinking. Self-deceptions. This is the True Nature (and one of the dangers) of a Spiritual Path in my humble opinion – to question the validity of the very Nature of our (my) reality and existence and to grapple with concepts that refuse to be pinned-down – refuse to be known – refuse to be pigeon-holed by our (my) feeble intellect and my life experience to date. How can we approach even a glimmer of an understanding, a conceptualization of G-O-D? It is a Great, Miraculous Crucible.
“G-O-D is the Name of the blanket we put over The Mystery to give It a shape.” ~ Barry Taylor, Road Manager for AC/DC (H/T Pete Holmes)
I have come to believe – through direct experience – that Prayer is a FORCE that moves through us, surrounds us, HOLDS us up. And while we may co-create a certain resonance with that Force – It has Its own Will and Volition. The Great Lakota Medicine Peoples speak of this FORCE in the Hollow Bone philosophy. This Force feels as though it is Everywhere, in Everything, Ever Present, Timeless, Omnipotent, and Omniscient – and It Is Revealed to our (my) puny faculties and sensibilities in startling (“pregnant?” “crystalline?”) bursts of Incredible, Undeniable, Effulgent Power and Clarity. The Divine, Immortal Frequency. The Peak Mareacion in the Force of The Medicine. Behold the Glory of R-A-M. And sometimes in instances of incredible, irreconcilable pain and crisis - when all seems lost – when we have lost (or are in the process of losing) something essential to ourselves – when we (I am) literally and figuratively forced to my knees by circumstances that I simply cannot appropriately grok. It seems as though, feels as though, Prayer can at once be an emphatic plea for deliverance from great, irreconcilable grief – as well as “The Answer,” - simultaneously. A paradox.
I have told the story of Lefty – attempted to tell the story of Lefty – so many times over the last several years since His passing – that I know I “put off” many who may be “close” to me – many who profess to “know me” or understand me deeply. That is unfortunate, but can’t be helped - I am compelled. With each telling, somehow, inconceivable even to me, I dredge-up to the surface more material to discover / explore / re-explore / examine. More information / experience is “transmitted” into me – some may call this “channeling.” It is not for me to say. It defies (my) logic and imagination. The future book (His and my Story – together – a Spiritual memoir. While I firmly believe #alldogsarebodhisattvas, only ONE would be My Divine Bolt of Lightning in this lifetime – My Great Hanuman-ji) the future book, while just “there” in my Heart and Mind – wants to wait while I go through this continuing process – this continuing Magnificent Crucible - until It (He) feels I am ready (worthy?) of the telling. Until I am completely and utterly “Purified” - until I am “Clean.” So much pain. So much LOVE. Still so very much to learn / experience / feel. Why is it so hard Lefty?
“Because My Great Friend, My Great LOVE - if it wasn’t, it would not be worth the immense effort to bring it forth.”
I am 57 years old. Lefty has been gone from my side for over 6 yeas now – having departed on the Winter Solstice in 2017. The Return of the Light. The Return of the King. And you understand that a watershed, peak experience can take-on mythic characteristics (and proportions) which then colors or bleeds-over into other profound experiences – or perhaps (?) comes to imbue or “gather” all the others – like a sort of Divine Container or Template. A Quintessential Blueprint or Herald or Benchmark. A Mythic, Archetypal Framework. My Divine Bold of Lightning. Lefty – and His Life – and His Death – became THAT for me. Was THAT for me. Is THAT for me. Yours will be different.
“Your Path is not my Path. My Path is not your Path.” (Abdi Assadi) May this Peace, this Grace Be Upon You.
My experience of the FORCE – My Divine Bolt of Lightning – PRAYER – wasn’t fully understood (is IT ever?) until it was shown to me in no uncertain terms - “put into me.” And those “no uncertain terms” are simply an inadequate way of contextualizing / conceptualizing the Divine with our (my) mind – with words. “The Felt Presence of Immediate Experience” (Terence McKenna) can never be adequately described – only experienced. I often speak of the necessity of an Intercessor – or Intermediary – conceptual or otherwise. Stepping stones. Cognitive and Experiential / Spiritual Emissaries. Those Beings who can usher us (me) across the threshold of the liminal – from the “normal” into the “hyper (more) normal” – from our (my) consensus “reality” into a much greater, richer, effulgent, undeniable “reality.” Gatekeepers of the Spiritual Realm(s). The Intercessor allows for the approach to Great Mystery. We cannot adequately and appropriately approach The Path of Knowledge and Great Mystery / G-O-D on our own – at least in the beginning. We require a competent petitioner “operating on our behalf.” Many can relate to this by way of relationships with Great Teachers – relationships with various (Impeccable) Medicine People, Shamans, Curanderos, Facilitators, Holy Men / Women, Counselors, Mentors, Advisors, Therapists, etc. within the context of Sacred Ritual – within the context of Prayer. Sometimes this Intercessor may not be a human being. Impeccable Guides can come in many forms e.g. Totemic Animals, Angels, Great Ancestral Spirits, Nature Spirits, Great Exalted Deities, Avatars, etc. And oftentimes Intercessors are interchangeable according to the circumstances – according to the Sacred Rituals and Prayers – according to the inherent skills and “disposition” required at that particular moment and circumstance. But these roles all have a common denominator: Impeccability. What does this look like, feel like? In my experience and humble opinion, Impeccability is most notably experienced as “Clean” – and for me, this is an energetic “signature” and an intuitive “assessment” – a knowing, a “Seeing.” Only that which allows-for the experience of The Most High feels “Clean” – again referring-to the Hollow Bones of the Lakota / Nakota / Dakota Peoples – very few are Hollow Bones. Very few have been - and can become - Hollow Bones. Read that again. I also believe – and have experienced – Impeccability in the moment – when the appropriate, undeniable “Channel is Open” – regardless of my thoughts on a particular (human or otherwise) Teacher. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” is the salient, albeit tricky lesson. However, the “More Clean” (Impeccable) the vessel – the more Powerful the Sacred Ritual - the More Powerful the Prayers – the more “capable” the Intercessor. Maestros. Masters. Great Medicine Peoples. Great Teachers. Avatars.
Now back, directly, to Prayer:
“…He leadeth me in the Paths of Righteousness for His Name's sake.”
and…
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.”
Excerpts from The Holy Bible: Book of Psalms, Chapter 23
That “table?” In my humble opinion, it’s your LIFE. And those “Paths of Righteousness?” The choices you make – what you choose to think, say, do, Pray - Who / What you choose to Serve - who you choose to be - who you choose to become – while seated at THAT TABLE – in HONOR of that table – in HONOR of The Most High that placed it “before you” – to BLESS you (“Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.”) A table that is arranged FOR you – even in the presence of great suffering, even in the presence of great evil, even in the presence of your ignorance, indifference, apathy, etc. (i.e. worst-case scanarios). That table, your life, is an Altar – your Altar. And your Altar = your Magnificent Crucible:
“You will lose everything. Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories. Your looks will go. Loved ones will die. Your body will fall apart. Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed. Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away. Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away.
But right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realizing this is the key to unspeakable joy. Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you. This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence. Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.
Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar.” ~ Jeff Foster
The veterinarian at the facility in Manhattan told us that there was nothing left to be done – that our decision was to either euthanize Lefty, or take Him home, make Him as comfortable as possible, and await the inevitable – which was seeming close at hand. Many (all?) can relate to this kind of message – it hits you like an anvil and shatters your entire world. We were not expecting such news. How could we? Lefty was literally a fire hydrant with four legs – the toughest hombre you ever saw. That he seemed to have been almost fine – in the midst of a terrible, undetected disease – is a story with which many are familiar. Our canine companions simply do not show their suffering, their great pain sometimes – and Lefty simply showed no signs of the ravages of the disease He had – until it was a crisis. And we were vigilant! And now it was too late??? We were left with this decision – this dilemma – and sent home to come to some sort of choice. An impossible choice.
I often speak of the Divine Immortal Frequency. This does not mean I have any understanding of IT worthy of sharing – although I try. I make the inadequate, feeble attempts. I suppose I experienced – on one level – a refusal to accept what was happening – simply because of my Great Love for Lefty. This is another similar experience with which many can relate. We initially simply refuse to accept the loss of a Loved one. The loss of a Being for whom we have a responsibility, a Sacred Duty. Being childless, Lefty WAS my child in a way – although the relationship always felt as though I was His child – such was His Nature. His self-evident Nobility, Royalty, Majesty. That I was His Sacred Charge. Ironically, that was accurate intuition – as The Story, His Story came to be for me. The Story I came to “See.”
There was (Is) a compelling. For me, IT feels as though IT’S a sort-of “possession.” But much more than that. That a POWER simply steps-into me, pushes “me” out of the way, and COMPELLS. I have no choice, had no choice in the matter. This compelling cannot be denied – and IT’S POWER IS CLEAN. The “Cleanest” that seems possible. The Most Impeccable.
“No, this will not do. You must act. BARRY. ACT. NOW.”
We returned, first-thing the next morning to the facility – and to the astonishment of the staff – I took my near dead, heavily sedated Lefty from the ICU – or should I say – G-O-D (?) TOOK CHARGE OF THE ICU – there were several vets and technicians who stood aside – stood back – aghast with this spectacle - and I loaded my Great Lefty onto His bed that we brought – onto a gurney – and wheeled Him to a waiting rental car. The one technician that accompanied me to the vehicle – the one who felt compelled himself to help me – had the courage to help me – gave me “that look” and actually told me that I was doing the right thing! An undeniable sign and message…
We made a harrowing, stressful journey across town (from the Westside of Upper Manhattan to the Eastside) in the midst of heavy traffic – rush hour – all the while Lefty was limp as a rag-doll and feverishly panting – to another, entirely different facility - with an entirely different Team - and an entirely different “atmosphere.” Again a gurney. Again a scene, a spectacle. But this time it was an “all-hands on deck” situation. A determined urgency.
We spent the next several hours – while Lefty was in emergency surgery – PRAYING. What’s more, I “put out the call” for Prayers – and was “lifted-up” – we were lifted-up – On-High – on the Wings of Angels. So very many friends, family members, acquaintances, and complete strangers PRAYED HARD for us in our moment of dire need – in Lefty’s moment of dire need. Time stood still.
When I say I don’t understand Prayer – it’s not exactly true. I don’t understand Prayer with my mind. I DO understand Prayer with my Heart and with my Body. There is a “Current of Energy” that Courses-Through me (us?) – that cannot be described – but cannot be denied. Paradoxically, this Energy also “Surrounds” us (me) and creates a sort-of “Bubble” (but without an apparent border or membrane / threshold?) – I suppose you could call it “The Armor of G-O-D.” A “Clean,” Energetic “Plenum” that HOLDS everything. All possibilities, All Reconciled Paradoxes, All Time, All Our Beloveds, All Our Relations (Nature), All Our Ancestors, All “The Good, The True, The Beautiful.” We are In IT, and Of IT.
Everything is imbued with Great Spirit, Everything is G-O-D – even this feeble mind.
Late that evening, when the emergency surgical team emerged from the OR, I knew our Prayers were answered even before the chief surgeon smiled. I broke down. I had been “Holding” Lefty and the Prayers all day – actually for a couple days - and I collapsed from the exhaustion, sobbing.
# # # #
EPILOGUE
That was January 21, 2017 – now known to me as “Miracle Day”
There have been others – astonishing others – but this one was Paramount. Supreme. The Watershed. I have witnessed Things, experienced Things, been "Held Up" by Things that defy understanding. I remember the Fervent Prayers of so very many people for us - many complete strangers - and time stood still. That entire day I was guided by a "Force" that simply said "Allow Me to Carry You - to use You as My Instrument," and I let It. And It saved My Precious Boy's Life.
I am not special. Miracles happen all the time, for us all. I am only – just very recently – Blessed with the ability to “See” Them in my own life.
Can you come to “See” Them in yours?
# # # #
My Dearest Lord: Make me a Worthy Vessel, make me a Hollow Bone, Teach me to Pray, Pray Thyself in me. Teach me to Serve, perform Thy Service, Thy Will through me. Amen.
Praise Be To Lefty, Praise Be To Hanuman
The Breath, Great Servant, and Hammer of R-A-M-A and S-I-T-A 💖🔥👑🙏
R-A-M-A, S-I-T-A, Hanuman
The Great Lover, The Great Beloved, The Great Servant
The (My) Divine, Immortal Configuration,
My Immortal Vow
Thank you Lefty - for Teaching Me to finally “See” 💖🔥👑🙏
# # # #
# # # #