On the Loss of "Communities" and The Evolution of Self
Like many, I was shocked at what I perceived as the subversion of my various “communities.” What I’ve since realized is that this was absolutely necessary in my evolution, in my Spiritual Journey...
I suppose I’ve always been somewhat of a black sheep, a renegade, a heretic. One could look at my life, my background, my upbringing, my traumas and wounds and come to that conclusion – that assessment – that judgement. It’s not really for me to say – as this is for others to determine (or project) or not. But given various attributes, characteristics, and behaviors – I suppose I identify with those assessments or projections – to varying degrees. Blasphemer! Lol. Discernment and nuance (H/T Patrick Nash) are so vitally important. Simplistic, binary observations tend to not capture the True Nature of a person – or any study (e.g. current issues, current, egregious crimes) for that matter. I often speak / write about the critical necessity of framing thoughts, ideas, opinions, and even people with a spectrum of understanding – a spectrum of assessment. I try to not “pin down” or pigeon-hole any person, group of people, or idea into a black-or-white disposition. And of course, you realize that I am contradicting myself – especially as it pertains to my take on my former “communities” in the title and subhead of this post. As always, my writing is more about “inquiries” than it is about statement(s). My way of “processing” and “pressure-testing” ideas, concepts, opinions, positions, beliefs, etc. Of checking myself. And to have others help check me.
“Did you believe that the Great Awakening would not be attended by the Great Unravelling?” ~ B.F.
I’ve long appreciated and admired other, supposed, heretics. Especially the (IMHO) estimable Elders. And that particular “title” is one I don’t apply lightly or off-hand. I’ve long held the belief that an Elder is an honorific label – not simply an observation of chronological age. And once more, Wisdom Keeper, along with Elder, are labels or titles that others bestow upon these people. One cannot (again IMHO) call oneself Wise or an Elder. This belief is then extended to the designations of Maestro, Shaman, Hollow Bone, Great Teacher – and even Hero (etc.). These (IMHO) are honorific titles and designations bestowed upon certain people by others. By the wider community. I’ve admired – even with their apparent and not so apparent flaws (who doesn’t have them? Witting or unwitting participants in CIA-funded, MK-Ultra programs be damned) – the Estimable, Eminent Elders and Wisdom Keepers (and heretics!) - people like the late, greats (the following list focuses upon, Honors those whom have passed) Terence McKenna, Baba Ram Dass, Anne and Sasha Shulgin, Myron Stolaroff, Peter Gorman, Alan Shoemaker, Huston Smith, Timothy Leary, Robert Anton Wilson, Frank Fools Crow, Black Elk, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Joseph Campbell, Friedrich Nietzsche, Rumi, Hafiz, Gurdjieff, Rudolf Steiner, Sri Ramana Maharshi, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, Alan Watts, Thomas Merton, Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda, and my own, personal, outside of books, social media, and recordings: the late Richard Bachrach, the late Sri Sadguru Darmananda Swaroopa Hanuman Das Swamikil, and the late Joy Lynn Wiley-Fleming-Johnson (my late Mother), etc. etc. etc. Many (if not all!) of these late, Estimable, Eminent Elders and Wisdom Keepers were considered heretics of their time – many still are.
I suppose if I had a “do over,” I’d pursue anthropology as a vocation – but not the typical, traditional, academic variety. That institution has some issues (IMHO) – like so many academic institutions these days. Academia itself has significant (captured by big money interests) issues. No, I’d be an anthropologist / adventurer / journalist / chronicler in the vein of the late Peter Gorman, or the late Terence McKenna, or even a Hunter S. Thompson (!) or (the very much alive) Graham Hancock – among others, like the late Richard Evans Schultes and his contemporaries (e.g. the late Gordon Wasson – ugh). Oh, and I’d realize the dream of becoming a pilot – like a “bush pilot” in support of those endeavors.
I admire these iconoclasts – these renegades – these heretics because I suppose I identify with them in a way – accurate or not. They challenged beliefs, opinions, perceptions, perspectives, and “conventional ideas” on a great many fronts – and I like to believe I do the same – albeit in my own, small way. I mean, these people were / are GIANTS in comparison. They earned the “title” Estimable, Eminent Elder and Wisdom Keeper. Who knows if my own journey, my own life will have similar results? It’s not for me to say.
I suppose I didn’t necessarily “lose” my “communities” – Sacred Medicine Circles, Yoga Communities – i.e. Spiritual Communities. No, it would be more accurate to say I rejected them. Turned my back on them. “Stepped-away” from or removed myself from them. I also (mainly) rejected, turned my back on, and stepped-away from the associated Teachers, Facilitators, Curanderos / Curanderas, ‘Leaders,’ close friends, etc. I found it necessary. While this necessity has remained, I am – like many others – struggling with challenging aspects of “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” Struggling (immensely) with aspects of forgiveness – and I’ve found ‘forgiveness’ to not be a one-and-done proposition as I once (foolishly) thought. I find it – the journey of forgiveness – to be multifaceted, multilayered – think: family, friends, Teachers, communities, colleagues, etc. I also find it to be (for me at least) a journey that is never fully complete – if it ever is. Ever more and deeper layers are to be discovered, uncovered, and excavated. I suppose the center-most “layer” ends-up being ‘self-forgiveness’ (and Self-forgiveness – with a big “S”) – as it always seems to come back to us. Everything “external” always seems to come back to us. Self-realization.
This “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” thing is tricky and synchronistically applicable to other instances beyond that of “community” relationships and assessment. What appears to have transpired over the last several years is a much broader lesson – or much broader lessons in the assessment of many of our relationships, positions, opinions – and those whom we once looked-to, or currently look-to for some measure of reassurance or guidance in an utterly insane world. The crucial development of discernment and nuanced assessment seems to have been part of the larger curriculum on offer – and some of us wholeheartedly “enrolled” while others seem to have missed the opportunity(ies) – they just “didn’t get the memo.” Instances of “controlled opposition,” of “limited hangouts,” of apparent “psyops,” of “conspiracy theories,” have permeated or infiltrated our society at large – seemingly as part of the classic “divide and conquer” stratagem – part of the “Ambiguity Increasing” Master Stratagem. Many apply a binary paradigm to such things and either accept or reject the information being presented – based upon the ideas (proven or otherwise) of “C.O.” or “misinformation” or “disinformation” or “malinformation” – without assessing the information regardless of the presenter.
Many forgo the old adages of “don’t shoot the messenger” and “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” without appropriately synthesizing the presented information. This seems to be a purposeful development – regardless of the common knowledge of the logical fallacies and the Trivium. Such is a problem in a short attention span, attention deficit disorder-ish, “headline skimming” society – a society trained / programmed to engage in a limited fashion with short-form content. Sound bites. Glaring, click-bait headlines. Sensationalism. Government or corporate stenography. Astroturfing. Resulting in “knee-jerk,” purely emotional (triggered) assessments. Manufactured and promoted snippets – usually with limited context or completely out-of-context with much deeper and complex themes. And I am just as guilty as the next person in allowing my own biases to lead or guide my thinking – but I am trying to solve for that by way of thoughtful, careful research, sourcing, and synthesis (again, the Logical Fallacies and the Trivium). That in-and-of-itself is a journey as well. Multi-factor analysis. Multi-source analysis. Pattern recognition. Both the “real world research skill” and in the more intuitive capacity – which is just as important – if not more-so these days.
“You must be willing to walk alone once you recognize the fact that TRUTH isn’t taught to the masses. The pursuit of TRUTH can lead you onto a path of solitude. Few have the Strength to walk alone” ~ Unknown
Many like me have lamented this loss (purposeful on our part or otherwise) of community or communities. To me, it was a devastation for which I was wholly unprepared – but just the same – I felt compelled to turn-away from them – even in the midst of this inner turmoil. In spite of this inner turmoil. One of the great lessons in any practice of wellness, of holistic health, of Sovereignty, requires the erection and maintenance of appropriate boundaries. In the more esoteric situations and pursuits (e.g. Sacred Medicine Work and Spiritual Practice), it is absolutely imperative – as a means of mitigating untoward intrusions – energetic attacks – brujeria – shitana – wetiko – evil. And these sometimes black magick assaults are because we do not maintain appropriate, Energetic / Spiritual boundaries. And sometimes these attacks simply come by way of ill will (unconscious or not) - of shadow material that is then directed / projected (or attracted) towards you. No matter the nature of the assault – the defense is (mostly) the same. A good boundary and grounding practice. A good Sovereignty affirming practice. And probably the most common and effective strategy when it comes to appropriate boundaries is to simply remove yourself from the proximity of the perceived threat. Remove yourself from the line of fire. As is my (ex-military) orientation, my situational awareness in all things these days, going full Gray Man, even in my Spiritual Practices – is modus operandi. It has thus far Served me well. It may Serve you.
Now, some may feel that I am being paranoid or that I overreacted – especially as it pertains to these long-held relationships in these well-established communities. Relationships that were close, supportive, and even loving. Communities that were quite literally built around support for one’s Healing Path and / or Spiritual Journey – and one’s holistic wellness. This is where the struggle in “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” really comes-into play. What has transpired over the last several years upended all our lives – and I think it’s fair to say – not for the better. When I turned away from communities, brothers and sisters, Teachers, friends, family members, etc. I was compelled to do it because what I perceived was being asked (required) of me was a certain acceptance, acquiescence, and complicity in a great lie – in many great lies. The requirement to avoid the obvious. Avoid talking about glaring, uncomfortable Truths.
This was due mainly to the “climate” around C0NV!D-18+1 and the enforced protocols (propaganda). What was CRYSTAL CLEAR to me was the – at the very least – questionable nature of what was happening in early 2020 – and what has happened ever since. Notwithstanding that I had several, BRUTAL experiences in Sacred Medicine Ceremonies – prior to, during, and after early 2020 – that had an extremely foreboding nature. Perhaps prescient? Regardless of this “Seeing,” my warnings regarding what I perceived as the assaults by great evil – of wetiko – fell on “deaf ears” – as I tried to bring this to the attention of several Teachers and their communities – actually taking them to task for not appropriately warning or even discussing what was happening in the world at large with me or the related communities. It was a kind of “business as usual.” And in that was the rub – the business of Spirituality – the business of Sacred Medicine Ceremony – the business of Yoga – would not be interrupted by discourse that would perhaps threaten revenue / income and “standing” in the community. The “business” of “going-along to get-along.” The topic(s) of evil – of wetiko – of Energetic and Spiritual hijacking and bypassing were off the table. I had no choice but to leave these communities because I felt they had utterly failed me – and the rest of the members of these communities – in very fundamental ways. Safety. If certain (critically important!) topics are completely off the table – or otherwise muted, downplayed, marginalized, rejected off-hand, censored, etc. – then that community (cult!) is no longer safe – and by association (and the ultimate responsibility) – the Teachers / facilitators / curanderos / curanderas / ‘leaders’ / family members / etc. Caveat emptor.
I have since attempted to rekindle (to varying degrees of success) or maintain certain relationships because of the immense “investment” – of the immense value – of so much life shared (“we’re sharing Dharma in the face of The Mystery” and “we’re just walking each other home” ~ Baba Ram Dass). It’s sad that certain topics are still “off the table” – are skirted-around due to the various “sensitivities.” Many can relate. It’s our world now. A complete bifurcation. Those whom we can be completely honest and open with – and those we cannot. Actually, that’s another contradiction (!) There is a “spectrum” to apply here as well – when what I’d prefer was not a necessary “spectrum of acceptable discourse or dialogue” at all. I’d prefer to not have to “conform myself” to certain “rules of engagement” in my relationships based upon acceptable (to all parties) topics. I believe it is vitally important to have this in your life – such are the rare Great Teachers, Great Allies, Eminent Elders, and Wisdom Keepers – those whom have not failed us in the most essential, profound, and heartbreaking ways. Such are the Great Souls in our lives. May we forever have such Great, Great Beings accompany us throughout the Cosmos.
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EPILOGUE
I do believe there is an “ultimate bifurcation” happening though – behind everything that is transpiring. That which is best represented as “life versus anti-life” of “Christ (Consciousness) versus anti-christ (consciousness).” And I am FIRMLY, resolutely, emphatically, on the side of LIFE and on the side of The Christ. On the Side of The Most High, on the side of THAT which manifests and Serves “The Good, The True, The Beautiful.”
PRAISE BE TO HANUMAN
The Breath, Great Servant, and Hammer of R-A-M-A and S-I-T-A
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Thank you for this post. I can relate to the majority of it having been through so much of the same since 2020. I sometimes forget how deeply it has affected me but the isolation since then has been tough. I struggled with belonging before 2020 but I really have had to reckon with it much more thoroughly since. I’d say it’s strengthened my resolve to walk my own path but it has also been very painful.